No pictures will do justice to the journey I have taken.
The faces will blur in my memory, being replaced by anonymous angelic smiles
The landscapes can be described as ‘paradise’ in all its forms…
the rainforest mountains, plateaus and lingering valleys,
the unexpected, ever inspiring waterfalls,
the volcanoes emerging from the pink mist of dawn
and the beaches of the Caribbean coast.
It is all here, the world in technicolour, more poignantly alive than ever!
Take my word or come join me.
But I cannot send an image in two-dimensional space to do any justice to the life I lead.
And the experiences I have had in the months past are like giant clouds,
changing shape, building up into a storm.
I have no choice but to carry on.
Life calls me out, every day,
in between my adventures in sleep and waking worlds,
I admire the beauty, idly, full of gratitude and love.
Love, one of the action verbs I decide to rule my life by (the other two being dancing & writing, and all these I find essential to my existence).
Perhaps one day my poetry will paint a better picture of this experience I am having than any image – as long as you can lift your eyes to your forehead, shake the pineal gland and connect to that dimension of ‘inner sight’.. there you may meet my kaleidoscope circus of delight: the beat and beckoning of African music, psychedelic rainbow brush upon the jungle vista, the feel of strong thighs holding soft hips in a gentle, swaying salsa… can you taste the coconut water on sweaty lips, feel the thin cotton caress on calves and the little stones stuck between toes, maybe if you really listen..the sound of gushing water, rhythmically or without pause..in the form of falling rain or lapping waves – sometimes both – and it all blends into the river of life.
I was wasting my days in the last week, getting adjusted to the new levels of energy circulating my bodysphere (where all that originated from is a story too lush to be told in this dimension, you really need my felt-presence to be there to convey the journey). Anyway, I went to some amazing ecstatic dances held in a wall-less hut perched upon a fold of a mountain overlooking the volcanic lake – and I RAN my energy up and down, inside and out, until it became a blissful orgasmic high, contagious to the sensitive people around. I danced until I couldn’t take it any more and melted into the contours of the carved nature space to contain my overspill. I took up drinking coffee again, enjoying it ever-so-much, even more than the abundant flow of chocolate in Guatemala’s most sacred harbour of it (they suppose). I lived a comfortable life for a week, doing almost nothing other than adjusting to my present state of permanent elevation.
Then I took off and crossed a border by boat and landed in the middle of the Caribbeans and dove into the wonders of the underworld…
Julie asked me if I still get angry/sad/mad/depressed/frustrated… YES! But I enjoy that too! I woke up in rage one morning before my blood was supposed to come, and I felt so angry at the world I didn’t know where to put it or how to let it out (besides banging pillows and stomping the ground, writing a poem and adding a cigarillo to my morning coffee ritual…) and that was also the day my newly found soul sister invited me to a womb wisdom workshop and guided us to a meditation channeling our energy field down to the centre of the earth and from there up into the galactic skies..and suddenly I felt more anchored and the powerful force of rage-energy was more in my use, in circulation and activation.. an exhilarating feeling.
Here’s the poem from that day:
I wish to vomit out ALL
all those sentences that don’t make sense
replacing actions towards our inevitable togetherness
one big broth of humanity
Only the visionary sees, and you don’t know
what blindness is before you abolish it
GOD is ALL and you don’t need to
poke at it with a stick, song or fragile theory
Today I don’t stare at the tv, because if
my inner thoughts gained outer wind
I’d blow this world up into a chaotic
hurricane, finally. I can’t stand this.
Our current to the big pool of sea,
some gushing at waterfall pressures, some lingering swirls,
some deadwood or olive branches, some secret ditches or steaming surface
is it truly such a pain to be on our way?
I want to touch with hunger now
the core of the world
the unchanging truth,
emptiness – with all my cells I crave for it
Only through dance I get over and through
my wings tied up by frustration
Save myself again, stop the world
until I feel no more
until I long for you not
Allowed to be. come, go, bypass
my astrological map, my midsummer dream,
these all encompassing hands
may their weight be your uplifting
their lines your road to perishing
to the point of no return
darkness as light
whether you dive into an atom or a galaxy
you end up in front of me, again
I am certain, equally
of the necessity of this destructive day
that may resurrect no more
I don’t want to know, just be quiet
Reach into the inner cauldron
to the heart’s stew
the only one that may fill
appease and arrest it all from spinning me
out of control.
There’s not much more to say, or share, for now, but I hope to see you one day again, if it be in our starsystems…